HEX:#aa4322
To live with HEX: #aa4322’s chaotic emotions is an act of courage. There are wounds on his body that are deeper and more acerbic than anything that bleeds. The wounds burn constantly from the fire of his past and present, slowly scorching the internal layers of his skin that keep the pure soul intact. The burning as it heads closer to the soul, traps him in a darker place that is impossible to avoid. The dark place is subtly illuminated by hope, but then he is suffocated by the anger that consumes him, his mind has dealt with such blows that it is exhausted and hides itself in the madness. He constantly has a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and sensations, which leaves him depleted of emotion. There is a death in his heart; he is alone between the heavens and ambers.
His dark place isolates him from his loved ones, leaving him in this place silently depressed, where he cannot stand his own presence in his empty scene. He analyzes himself at an incredible level of detail marking every ugly thing he finds no matter how small it is and enlarges it in his head to an exuberant level that makes him completely escape his own reality. He sometimes cannot even control it.
His loved ones feel out of reach, the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, he wants to claw out of his own skin. His transparent true evil is his bipolar disorder. His subliminal, master of true evil is his father. He sits in this darkness being suffocated by his true evil and subliminal true evil’s attributes; depression, anxiety, anger. The qualities are just a paradoxical combination of paralysis and panic — a death spiral in slow motion.
The depression leaves him colorblind, not able to view his own rainbow that lives within him, he cannot see himself, the beautiful essence of his pain and strength. His depression is something that dominates him, makes him blind to all the good he has, all he sees is black.
The anxiety leaves him looking eternally into the mirror, falling into the illusion that what he sees is only a reflection of his superior: the true evil.
The anger is silent, however it patiently waits for a reason to wake, take an overdue breath and crawl back in to take over his mind. It has a nauseating crawl, it slowly moves from his skin to his bloodstream flowing up, wrapping itself around his brain. He is the metaphor that “he does not own himself.” The emotions he expresses and feels he cannot control, his bipolar disorder controls the way in which he interacts with the world. He cannot communicate how he actually feels without the true evil’s attributes taking over his voice. He just wants to be heard and understood, a want that is not transparent under the disorder’s blockade. The emotions that are triggered are haywire, there is no security or warning, causing the fire to spread from the skin into the blood. Only his eyes will ever be the mirror of his pure soul, they are isolated from the rest of his body, they only hold the true communication.
As his depression, anger, and anxiety heighten, his blood ignites greater, causing him to sink deeper and deeper into the true evil’s manipulation, the subliminal’s subtle mastery. The true evil manipulates while the master robs him of the core of his being and replaces that with something that is completely opposite of his soul’s expression. He sits in his gruesome, controlling place always at war with himself thinking how his father, this silent killer took away his essence without warning, punishment, or sympathy. His father sucked the life out of him, causing HEX: #aa4322 to think that when he was on top of the world, he did not deserve it. He was a constant disappointment to his master, causing him to be terrified at what he saw in the mirror, his own voice scared him. He would realize he existed as a product of his silent killer and hated it. His father was the most detrimental fire of all, he caused HEX: #aa4322’s burns to transition from painful to numb. HEX: #aa4322’s reality became nothing more than constant numbness.
HEX: #aa4322 would try and claw his way back to the surface, frantically creating a reef wall between him and his master, just to be ripped back down by his own thoughts. He was now burning and drowning. The silent killer controlled him so much that he just sunk back down into the void, covered in flames that stuck to him for an everlasting lifetime. His father took the best of his heart and left the rest in pieces.
Even though, he struggles with his disorder and intrusive thoughts from his past everyday, HEX: #aa4322 makes sure other people feel loved all of the time, even if it sometimes gets lost in translation. He feels it is important to listen to others and understand how they are feeling. He communicates with people as best as he can by making sure others feel cherished and appreciated, so they do not go through the same paradoxical combination that is a constant battle within him.
HEX: #aa4322 owes his slope upward reach to his Uncle Ran, Dylan Clemens, Jake Andersen, and Eitan Taub. They inspired him to go into therapy and understand what his emotions mean and how they are being communicated. Each one of them also has a separate major impact on helping HEX: #aa4322 grow into the man he is today.
HEX: #aa4322 is this hue of red because he is a mixture of red, blue, yellow, orange, and black.
Red: His anger and bi-polar depression cause chaos in his existence which creates a continuous spiral.
Blue: He is divine, he deals with struggles that people do not deserve to go through. His blue has emphasis on trust, he is a very trustworthy soul who would do anything for anyone he cares about.
Yellow: The brightness he brings into others’ lives even when suffering in his own body.
Black: Is his dark place that he goes into. It is also the hole that his father has left in his heart. This is the darkness that sometimes overpowers his existence.
Orange: His Uncle Ran is engraved in him, HEX: #aa4322 mimics qualities of his uncle. HEX: #aa4322 is devoted to the people he cares about and surrounds himself with. HEX: #aa4322 is courageous as he faces the consequences of his father, he is taking action and making appropriate changes, which will move him onward and upward.
